at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
