he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
