i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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