I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize