his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
