he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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