how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
