Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
