If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
