Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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