I could make wine with my vomit
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
