I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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