Got a toothbrush?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's rum buckets o'clock
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize