I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
