I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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