I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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