i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
