They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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