woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
