i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize