Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
