I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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