id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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