Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
