so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
