So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize