So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
