We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize