Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
