I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
