I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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