dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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