she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The uberlube is also flammable
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
