I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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