I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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