Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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