She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
