I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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