I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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