Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
