Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize