im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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