And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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