11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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