Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
