The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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