Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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