I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You may now shotgun with the bride
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
