Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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