I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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