drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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