Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
