the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize