I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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