He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
