Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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