Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
