Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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