I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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