dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
