she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
