If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
