Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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