Tell her she can't have a vagina
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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