wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
