I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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