Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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