nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
