It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
