I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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