he puts the penis in happiness.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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