so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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