Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
