At least make sure they are 18
Why
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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