she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
