i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
