y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
