he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
