Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
