i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
