yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
