I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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