omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
