you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
