it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
