i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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