I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
