dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
