my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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