How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
