btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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