this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
