I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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